Leave The Thighs Out of It

It’s that time of year again, mamas.

You have to decide—are you going to be the mom who sits on the sidelines, fully clothed.

Or are you going to be the mom who gets in the pool?

We had some success with this post last year. My favorite was the story of the grandmother who at age 69 hadn’t been in a pool in twenty years. But her grand-daughter came to visit and she decided she was not going down on the side lines.

She got in the pool.

Then there was one raucous afternoon at the local pool where three of us moms joined the game of sharks and minnows. Not just in the pool. Diving in the pool. A crowded pool. With lots of moms watching on the sidelines.

The kids were delighted. When we got out I said to one of the other moms “See, that was fun!” She rolled her eyes at me and said “I read your dang post.”

Lol. I’ll take it.

The pool opened two weeks ago and there have been lots of moms in the pool. It might be my imagination, but it feels like more moms than last year.

Could be the weather—it’s been early hot this year.

But I was thinking that it could be the memory of that game of sharks and minnows last summer. Right? All that screaming fun? It could be. I’m calling it progress.

Then I was forced to swim suit shop the other day because my tankini top had a structural failure. Let’s just say if you’re going to call something “DD”, you best bring your game.

In the middle of the Fred Meyer swim suit section, I saw this:

Ladies. DO NOT THINK “Yes! Just what I need!” No, no. no.

Here’s what it looks like:

It came in a size 8 and a size 22 and every size in between. You can see that this was not in the interest of modesty, since it had molded cups in a push-up formation.

You know what else? That swim dress is not lined. So when you and your thighs, who were just minding their own business, try to swim, that top is going to float up and show all the business.

The only thing I can figure is the people at A Shore Fit want women and their thighs a thunder to stay out of the pool, with their objectionable parts covered up and their desirable parts running over the cups.

I socked that cheeky swim suit right on its tag, in the name of women everywhere.

Do not build me a bathing suit to hide a part of me that I may want hidden in such a way THAT I CAN’T SWIM IN IT.

Do not assume I am so self-conscious about my thighs THAT I WOULD PREFER PEOPLE STARING AT MY BOSOMS.

And for the love of goodness–do not call me, or my God-given and -blessed parts, nasty names on your sales tag. THIS IS BAD BUSINESS.

Sheesh.

Happy Summer, 2016. #momsgetinthepool