A Survivor Speaks

‘The guilt of feeling grateful to be alive is heavy. Wanting to smile about surviving, but not sure if the people you are with are ready. As the world mourns the people killed and viciously slain,

I feel guilty about screaming about my leg in pain because I can feel nothing,

like the other 49 who weren’t so lucky to feel the pain of mine. I never thought in a million years this could happen.

I never thought in a million years my eyes could witness something so tragic.

Looking at the souls leaving the bodies of individuals,

Looking at the killer’s machine gun throughout my right peripheral,

Looking at the blood and debris covered on everyone’s faces,

Looking at the gunman’s feet under the stall as he paces.

The guilt of feeling lucky to be alive is heavy. It is like the weight of the ocean’s walls crushing uncontrolled by levees. It’s like being drug through the grass with a shattered leg, and thrown on the back of a Chevy,

And being rushed to the hospital and told you’re going to make it when you lay beside individuals whose lives were brutally taken.

The guilt of being alive is heavy.’

Patience Carter, Orlando Shooting survivor


Keep your hands open. If you are ready, stand in the grief. Witness the pain. Pray. Tell your elected and church officials how you are feeling. Be kind to your neighbors.

Dana and I are sending love.




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