Tag: Anxiety

Why I’m Grateful for My Breakdown

Today is World Maternal Mental Health Awareness Day. Inspired by Dr. Christina Hibbert, I want to tell you about the good that severe postpartum anxiety has wrought in my life. I had a day five years ago when I thought the only way out was OUT. That was my lowest point. But was also my saving grace. Because of my postpartum breakdown, I reached out … Read More Why I’m Grateful for My Breakdown

Making the Pieces Fit: The True Story of My Quilt

In 2012, my recovery from postpartum anxiety coincided with the first Fall in 35 years when kids went back to school, and I did not. Instead, I stayed home with a 5 month old who still took two naps a day. I found myself with a lot of time on my hands—twitchy hands that needed something to do. At first, to battle the guilt … Read More Making the Pieces Fit: The True Story of My Quilt

Put the “Be Jesus” Back

Lenten reading can be hard on your soul. It challenges and convicts. It parks your heart in the shadow of the Cross and makes you look up. I have never been good at looking up. I don’t want to see. I tell myself it is enough to know. Everything I read tells me that I’m wrong. My suffering has not been enough, although it … Read More Put the “Be Jesus” Back

Hurricane Mama

Why are we changing the rules? Did something happen when I looked the other way? Why do things feel different? Are we ok? This is what anxiety sisters do when the applecart is upset. We ask a lot of questions, rapid-fire. We wait a good 1.5 seconds for answers. When they don’t come, we know this is a sign of the apocalypse. I’m going … Read More Hurricane Mama

What I Will Tell My Kids by Jen

The first time I told the story of my severe postpartum anxiety, I had to think about what I was doing. Telling my story out loud, on the internet, where it would live forever. Where someday, my kids will see it. That was scary, so I almost didn’t tell it all. I was going to leave out the part about seeing a demon hallucination … Read More What I Will Tell My Kids by Jen

The Wasteland

Because deep down in my heart, I think he would want us to be a little sad. Who wants to be forgotten? Who wants to be not missed when they’re gone? What I don’t do is allow my grief to stop me from living. There can still be smiles among the tears. There can still be bursts of light in the darkness.

Mother of mothers

I’ve always had a complicated relationship with Mary. It gets less complicated as I get older. Motherhood has made her more real to me. After Dana’s post about the spoons, I wondered if Mary ever ran out of spoons. A two year old is a two year old is a two year old, right? Plus there’s the business of the missing teenage years. Part of … Read More Mother of mothers

One Hour ~ Jen

I struggle to read the stories. Not the ones where the mom made it, got help, survived. I can handle those, like the many you can find here. It’s the ones where she wasn’t helped, and someone didn’t make it, that I can’t handle. It hits too close to home. This week it was three beautiful little girls, ages 2, 16 months and two … Read More One Hour ~ Jen

Be ~ Jen

Multi-tasking is bad for us, right? Big bad. Stress-us-out-and-give-us-cancer bad. We try to make multi-tasking into a badge of honor, but that’s crap. All it does is place our need for validation in one 90 mile an hour basket. This used to be my life, when I was a teaching, mothering, wifeing, friending, volunteering fool. I could teach the children, answer email, shop for … Read More Be ~ Jen

Tree Climbers and Raw Chicken ~ Jen

As you know, I’ve been working on letting go of my fears. This is the non-medicinal part of my recovery from postpartum anxiety. Turns out popping a Zoloft every night is not the work. My friend Lara and I were talking about being more fearless, since we are both very worried about what might happen. And I said “We just have to rub the … Read More Tree Climbers and Raw Chicken ~ Jen

Joy wins ~ Jen

Joy: the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying The last few years, anxiety has become a constant in my life. The doctors speculate that this is partly due to the stressors in my life, the synthetic thyroid hormones I take to replace my missing thyroid, and my fine family history of anxiety and OCD. I am better … Read More Joy wins ~ Jen

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