In Memory of Mo

This week, one of our own, Pat Haneef, lost her husband. The Haneef family has been such a wonderful part of my life, that I wanted to take a moment to honor Pat, who has been such a great support to me through some difficult times in my life, and to honor Tayyiba Haneef-Park, a beautiful, strong mama who was a teammate of mine at Long Beach State and whom I have loved watching in the Olympics, as they mourn the loss of their larger-than-life husband and father, Mo Haneef.

Tayyiba and I were teammates only for one year at Long Beach. I was a 5th year senior during her redshirt freshman year. Even though their daughter was redshirting, Mo and Pat came to every single match that we played. My career at Long Beach was a short one, as I was a transfer during my junior year, had to redshirt that first year, then was short on units and ineligible to compete my 4th year. My 5th year, I had to fight to earn a spot on the court, then fight to keep that spot. Sometimes I succeeded; sometimes I didn’t. But one constant memory that I have of that year is seeing Mo’s smile after each match. He was always down on the court with us, congratulating us, and giving me words of encouragement. No matter how down I was or how frustrated I was, Mo’s smile was infectious. He encouraged all of us. He was as big of a cheerleader of mine as my own parents were.

When I watched Tayyiba compete in the Olympics (2004, 2008, and 2012, she rocks, you guys), I remember seeing Pat and Mo up in the stands, cheering those ladies on. I remember the pride in his eyes as they won silver medals in both 2008 and 2012. My husband fondly remembers chatting with Mo at the Long Beach State alumni events, which he and Pat faithfully attended, even when Tayyiba couldn’t attend. And even still, all these years later, Mo continued to encourage me as a woman, as a mother, and as a person.

There are so many more aspects to this wonderful man’s life, some that I have only learned about since his passing. He was an amazing Track and Field coach who inspired thousands of young athletes here in Southern California. He was also an accomplished basketball player, playing for Northwestern University, as well as professionally in Italy. But one thing is for sure, he was loved by all who knew him, and will be sorely missed.

I ask you, again, our faithful readers, to join me in prayers and well-wishes for our sweet Pat, Tayyiba, and Tayyiba’s brother Arshad. While I would never assume to know “exactly” what they’re going through, I know that the days, weeks, and months ahead will be filled with grief and sadness, as well as laughter through tears as they mourn the loss of their husband and father. Pat, Tayyiba, and Arshad, we send out our love to you, and know that our prayers will be with you through the difficult times.

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For Meg

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If you follow us on Facebook, you know we have been praying for Meg, a friend of Amy’s who was diagnosed with cancer while pregnant with her second daughter. Just a few, too short weeks ago, she found out that her cancer was back, stage 4, aggressive.

Elle is 5. Baby Cora is four months. Sam is their daddy.

I don’t know Meg. But I know Amy and Amy’s heart was broken at this news. That was enough for me and Dana. We rallied the prayers for Meg. My good friend Steffani called on her homeschool prayer chain and the big guns at our church.

The disease moved quickly. Yesterday, Amy called to say the end was near.  We asked for help to pray Meg Home. Two hours later, she was gone, leaving her suffering and her fear behind her.

But also her young husband and her two little girls, one old enough to feel this pain and the other too young to remember anything.

It makes me really, really mad. It hits very close to home for me, for Dana, for Amy. It’s hard to know what to do.

We can rage at the heavens. We can curl into ourselves, or push the story away from us and those we love. We can turn from the suffering of strangers, sad but relieved that it was someone else.

Or.

We can pray. We can witness. Not in a train wreck kind of way, but we can take a moment to acknowledge the grief that Meg’s family is feeling right now.

We can donate in Meg’s name to places dedicated to conquering this bullshit disease. We can honor those we have lost and those who have survived.

We can remember that suffering is a universal condition. We can do today what we want strangers to do when it is our turn.

Tonight, I am going to lift up Meg’s family in prayers for comfort.

I’m going to lift up Amy and her sister Ashley and their family in prayers for peace.

I’m going to lift up my own anger and give it to God. He knows what to do with it.

I am going to give thanks for the women and men who showed up in prayer for a stranger.

It’s the least I can do for a sister mama gone too soon.

One More Day!

I don’t care what the thermometer says (forecasting 105 for this weekend…again), the calendar says it’s Fall.

If you were here last year, you might remember all the fun things I like to do with apples and pumpkins.

Last week, we went apple picking at Riley’s Farm in Oak Glen, Ca. Then Shea made this apple pie. The man knows his way around a crust.
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Today I made applesauce with the leftover apples. I’m sharing the recipe again because it is SO STINKING EASY and it tastes MUCH BETTER than the shelf-stable kind. I promise it is worth the work, which isn’t even that much.

Start with 5-6 lbs of apples. NOT red delicious. They are too mushy, have been overbred and have no flavor. You can use Granny Smiths, which yields a (tarter? More tart?) sauce that doesn’t take well to spicing.

Skin and core those suckers. I let my kids do this part because they love it. I have two twisty apple machine-y things that skin and core and slice at the turn of a handle. You will end up with nicely skinned apples and a pile of twirly apple skins. That’s right, I said twirly.

Throw the cored and sliced apples into a heavy bottomed pot. Add a cup of water or apple juice. That’s the only ingredient I measure. If I am making plain apple sauce to use as an oil replacement in baking recipes, I stop here.

If I am making a side dish-, ice cream topping-, oatmeal add-in-, toast topper-applesauce, I spice it up: cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice, ginger. All are fair game. Sometimes I add sugar, but not always.

Today I added brown sugar, because we are shaking off strep in this house and Miss Annie needs to eat.
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Let that all come to a boil, stirring to evenly coat the apples. Then turn it down, pop a top on and let it cook for 15 minutes. Remove the top, and mash the apples. If there’s an excess of fluid, leave the top off and cook for 15 more minutes. If not, cover it back up for the last 15.

Applesauce can be canned, but it holds for about two weeks in the fridge. Mine never lasts that long.

While the sauce was cooking, I was drunk on the cinnamon smell and almost got all the October decorations out of the garage. Even though Shea and I have a firm agreement that we do not decorate until October 1.

One. More. Day.

Instead I settled for hanging my new wreath in different fun places all over the house.
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I know, huh? Suuuper cute.

I got it from Woulf’s Creations. Sara is a local mom putting her God-given gifts to great use. I love this one so much I just ordered a Christmas wreath too. And even though she doesn’t have them up yet, she worked with me to design one early so I can have it before we move.

Man, there is nothing like an Etsy shop for great customer service!

The next three months are going to be crazy. Crazy good, crazy fast and just plain crazy crazy. So, do like we do: ignore the temps, dig out your jeans and warm boots, light the cinnamon candles, order the Fall coffee, put the comforters back on the beds.

And get ready: 100 Days of Holidays starts tomorrow!

 

 

Playing for Diamonds

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We’re playing football.

I’m using the Royal We because it’s a whole family commitment. Practice most nights, games all over So Cal on Saturdays, in stadiums where somebody thought it was a good idea to put aluminum bleachers. Last week it was 105 degrees. Aluminum bleachers.

I have lots of mama friends who think we are crazy to let our 8 year play tackle football. Heck, I used to be one of them.

Although one of those mama friends only has daughters, and if she and her husband had a son, he’d be the size of Gabriel, so who knows what decision they would make. I won’t name any names but she writes on this blog with me.

And another mama friend, who is related to me and lives internationally, told me she thought I was nuts to let him play but in the next breath admitted her son starts his first season of ice hockey this year.

Right. There but for the grace of God and all that good stuff.

Here we are, proud-ish Patriots. Ish because as Bills and Jets fans, Shea and I can’t get totally on board with the Pats. Even the 8 year old version.

In fact, here’s a funny story. (Stranded at JFK) Amy’s husband, Dave is a BIG TIME Chargers fan. Season ticket holders from waaaaay back.

One night we had dinner at their house and Gabe brought his Patriots helmet over to show Dave. After dinner the kids were making a huge racket upstairs, so Shea went to check it out. He came back and said to Dave and Amy “Well, your daughter is riding my son like a bucking Bronco, wearing his Patriots helmet.”

Dave’s eyebrows crashed together. “Are you kidding me?! She’s wearing a Patriots helmet????”

Priorities.

By far the most difficult part of football for me has been the whole football mom thing. Currently, half the veteran moms on our team are not speaking or even looking at the other half. No one really knows what happened, but the sides formed up pretty quickly. I sit in the middle with the other new moms and just smile at everyone.

AYSO, it’s not.

Then there’s the fact that I am a football brat, born and raised, from a long line of season ticket holders and folks who think that if they yell loud enough at the TV, the coaches or refs will hear them. Plus I have some experience with the whole competition thing.

So I am torn every single practice and game between Grizzly Bear and Mama Bear.

The thrill of the clash of the helmets (which is bad, I know and we are a head’s up league but there’s still something about that sound…)

The fear when someone doesn’t get up from a play.

The almost over-powering urge to scream “F*CK YEAH!” when my son sacks the quarterback.

The anger when one of the coaches tells him to get up and stop being such a whiner.

The fierce pride of watching him go back to the line and do it again.

Saturday, we played a team that won the national championship three years ago. They are some of the best 8 and 9 year olds in the nation. They have creamed everyone so far, and we were next to go. Gabe lined up against a kid who was five inches taller and at least 50 lbs heavier than he was. Lined up against him a lot, since our offense didn’t spend much time on the field.

We lost. Big.

But not as big as everyone else.

It wasn’t until we were in the parking lot that Gabe showed me his arms. Scratches and cuts everywhere. “He held me almost every time, Mom” he told me, tears welling up in his eyes. “He had long fingernails and he dug them into my skin. It hurt sooo bad.”  And then the sobs came, thirty hard seconds where all the frustration and stress of having to face that kid over and over finally got to him.

Mama Bear was all over that.

She got there in front of Grizzly Bear only because Grizzly paused for a second to consider whether there were enough Patriot dads around to back her up if she told that kid’s dad and uncles exactly what she thought about his fingernails.

It’s ok. Gabe learned a lesson, and it was not that he needs to grow out his fingernails.

It was that if other kids choose to play a bit outside the rules and spirit of the game, he has little control over it. There will always be cheaters. All he can do is what he did today, get back in there and try again.

And I have to let him, first of all because he wants to. He loves football. But also because these are the kinds of life experiences that grow kids into adults, the kind of adults who face adversity with determination and manage their fear with action.

No pressure, no diamonds.

What To Do When You Don’t Know What To Do ~ Dana

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A good friend of mine texted me last week to me know that her father passed away. He had been sick for a long time and over the course of his illness, she and I had many conversations about this process of losing a parent to cancer. When I told another friend the news, she said to me, “Oh, she’s lucky to have you. You must have known just what to say.” But the truth is, I didn’t. I don’t.

Having lost my father just over a year ago, I definitely know what NOT to say. I’ll give you the top three: 1. “Don’t worry. It gets better with time.” Here’s the thing: no it doesn’t. I’ll never have a daddy again. There is nothing better about that. Ever. It felt so dismissive when people told me this, as if in just 6 months I would just be over it all. 2. “I know exactly how you feel.” I understand the sentiment behind this one, but truthfully, no one knows exactly how you feel. Everyone’s relationship with their father is very different. Some people are close with their father, some aren’t. Some carry around anger and resentment. Some have tremendous guilt or regrets. I know how I feel, but that doesn’t mean that any one else feels the same way. 3. “Just be happy that you have your daughters.” This one bugs me because it ignores the gray areas in life. The happiness that I have in my daughters is unrelated to the sadness that I still feel about losing my dad. Absolute joy and gut-wrenching grief CAN actually exist together, thank goodness.

But what TO say, then? I don’t know what to say to my sweet friend because I know that there was nothing that anyone could have said to comfort me. Every sentence I thought of saying to her seemed so empty and superficial compared to the hurt that I could hear in her voice. So I hugged her, and told her how sorry I was. And I meant it.

Then I did for her what so many did for me and my family when we were in the midst of hospice and funeral planning: I brought food. During those horrible days, I cannot even remember who brought what, but our friends descended on my parents’ house, bringing homemade cookies, BBQ’ed chicken and hamburgers, chicken salad from Costco, croissants… it was a cornucopia of goodness that made our lives so much easier. There was so much to be done, especially when we brought my dad home, that we absolutely did not have time to cook, and there were only so many meals that we could stomach from the local fast food joint. I remember just crying after one of my mom’s friends from church literally brought us boxes of food. Their gifts of food nourished our bodies and our souls. It was just one less thing that we had to worry about.

The recipe I made for her is a simple, but delicious pasta dish that travels well and can just be microwaved or heated on the stove. I threw in a green salad, some Italian bread from a local bakery, and a bottle of wine, packed it all up in a Trader Joe’s bag, and sat with her in her father’s house. I’m including the recipe here. It’s a staple in our home, especially in the fall and winter. Try it for your family, and try it for a friend in need. Win-win.

Pasta e Fagioli

Ingredients:

3 Tbsp olive oil
1 onion, quartered, then halved
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 15 oz can tomato sauce
1 15 oz can diced tomatoes
2 cups water
3 ½ cups chicken stock – 2 14 oz cans or homemade (click here for our recipe)
1 Tbsp dried parsley
1 ½ tsp dried basil
1 ½ tsp dried oregano
1 tsp salt
1 15 oz can cannelloni beans (or white beans)
1 15 oz can garbanzo beans
½ cup fresh grated Parmesan cheese (plus more for garnish)
½ lb ditalini pasta (or elbow macaroni, cellentani, or other curved pasta)

Directions:

1. In a large pot over medium heat, cook onion in olive oil until translucent. Stir in garlic and cook until tender. Reduce heat, and stir in tomato sauce, diced tomatoes, water, broth, parsley, basil, oregano, salt, beans, and Parmesan. Simmer 40 minutes.

2. Add pasta and continue to simmer for 20 minutes.

3. Serve with extra Parmesan for garnish.