I was on the receiving end of a shaming attempt last week.
The mama took me unawares because I know I have a big “I don’t care what you think because I’m minding my own business” sign over my head. Well, maybe it says something a little bit different…but either way, other mamas do not usually come at me like this.
My mom could have saved her the time, too. Shame hasn’t worked on me since I’m four.
But she didn’t know. So first there was a long and angry text, thinly veiled as “friendly”.
This mom was upset that we–myself and three other moms–had pulled our kids from a school where we do not support the decision-making anymore. She said that our kids were talking smack about the school–smack they must have heard at home from their parents. In whom she was now “disappointed” and from whom she “expected more”.
I didn’t tell her about my sobbing daughter or how she didn’t sleep much the night before or how we don’t lie to our kids and so yes, my daughter knew the truth of why she was leaving and probably was saying it out loud to process it through and who could blame her.
I don’t know why my decision was causing so much trauma for this woman, but I do know it would have been fruitless to explain or argue.
So I firmly but politely told her it was none of her business and didn’t require her input. And I kept saying that every time she poked.
I didn’t give her what she wanted: a fight. Neither did the other moms, which upset her most of all.
And that’s the part that got me thinking: What’s really going on here?
I wish we would stop taking one of the most sacred jobs on earth and using it to beat others about the head. Or to make ourselves feel seen or heard or important. When we lash out at others in an attempt to look or feel better, we show the world our unhappiness in a way that makes it very hard for anyone to care.
That’s not cool in the sisterhood, where we’re all just trying to hold it together with duct tape and prayer. For reals, mamas. Every single one of us is a dropped shoe away from needing all the help.
So no more shaming. No more drama.
Let’s mind our business and pray for our sisters.