Aloha! ~ Jen

The first time I went to Hawaii, I was 17 years old and it was a volleyball trip for my high school team. We spent a week in Honolulu before school started, playing in a tournament with teams from around the islands and the nation. I was hooked.

Five years later, after my first year of teaching, I went back. This time to Maui, where I felt an immediate soul connection. Maui was magic. I made the trip about every two years after that, with some of my best girlfriends. I couldn’t get enough of Maui.

Ten years later that all made sense when I met Shea. He grew up on Maui, in an honest-to-goodness sugar shack in the middle of a plantation. Our first trip together, he showed me kama’aina Maui, places tourists rarely go. And I showed him haole Maui on the Ka’anapali side.

Hawaii is important to us. The lifestyle and culture are an intrinsic part of who Shea is, and he wants to share it with our kids, who are natural water babies and fish eaters. They revel in the feeling of warm sun on their shoulders, so they take to Hawaii like they were born to it. Which, in a way, they were.

We just got back from a week in Kauai with my parents, where we snorkeled, body boarded, jumped waves, zip lined and ate fresh mango, coconut and fish. The Hawaiian people are enormously generous and kind, but even more so once they find out Shea is kama’aina. For Hawaiians, this makes us ohana.

Speaking of ohana (which means “family”), look at this sign we saw while shopping one day:

This was hanging outside a local souvenir shop in Koloa

Wow, right? I just wrote about keeping the Sabbath and here was this sign, like a…well…sign. See how it doesn’t say CLOSED? CLOSED is a brusque, unfriendly word that conveys a feeling of nothing.

OHANA DAY is a whole other feeling. It says “We’re with our families. You go be with your families. It’s all good and love. We’ll see you here tomorrow.” Most of the non-super touristy places were closed on Sunday. And the parks and beaches were packed. How’s that for some Sabbath?

We had two highlight adventures. The first was suggested by a local guide on a snorkeling trip. “Salt Pond Beach is the best place to watch the sun go down” she said. “Build a fire, cook dinner, sit back and enjoy the view.”

So we did. We gathered driftwood, which the Eagle Scout (my dad) turned into a perfect beach fire. We swam in the dusk, roasted hot dogs and watched the sun set. Amazing.

Salt Pond Park, Bonfire dinner at sunset — Salt Pond Beach, bonfire dinner at sunset

Then on our last night, we went to Po’ipu Beach to watch the sunset. There’s this cool little cove that’s a natural kiddie pool—protected by rocks, only 18 inches deep. After dinner, Gabriel was out hunting crabs in the rocks with a bunch of boys when they started screaming.

You know I thought “Shark!” before my brain processed that they weren’t running away, but towards whatever it was. Then I heard TURTLE!

And sure enough, three huge honu had risen off the rocks right where the boys were playing. Scared the bejeezus out of them, since the smallest turtle was at least 4 feet long.

Hawaiian Honu, green sea turtle.This one was at least five feet long and two feet away from me!

Hawaiian honu are special. For native Hawaiians, they represent longevity, peace, humility and the spirit within us all. I feel that when I see them. They seem divine in some way, like they know God. There’s also a legend that the first honu, Kauila, could change herself into a little girl, and that she watched over small children playing on the beach.

I love the honu. I have three tattooed on my ankle to represent my babies. It was a special gift to see them that close on our last night.

My mom and dad, still loving life and each other after 45 years!

Waimea Canyon, smack in the middle of Kauai.

I really can’t say enough about Hawaii. I know that it seems a world away and very expensive, but for us, it is no different than traveling to Mexico or Portugal or Croatia to take the kids back to the motherland. And it might not be as expensive as you think. Check it out!

Aloha!

God Blessed the Seventh Day ~ Jen

The Catholic Church is celebrating the Year of Faith. So I signed up for a daily dose of catechism. This one popped up a few weeks ago.

If Sunday is disregarded or abolished, only workdays are left in the week. Man, who was created for joy, degenerates into a workhorse and a mindless consumer. We must learn on earth how to celebrate properly, or else we will not know what to do in heaven. Heaven is an endless Sunday.

It’s referring to the Third (or Fourth, if you are a Protestant) Commandment. The biblical text is as follows:

Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.
Six days you shall labor, and do all your work;
but the seventh day is a sabbath to the LORD your God;
in it you shall not do any work, you, or your son,
or your daughter, your manservant,
or your maidservant or your cattle,
or the sojourner who is within your gates;
for in six days the LORD made heaven and earth,
the sea, and all that is in them,
and rested the seventh day;
therefore the Lord blessed the sabbath day and hallowed it.

The verse from Exodus references Genesis and the creation story:

And on the seventh day God finished the work that he had done, and he rested on the seventh day from all the work that he had done. ³So God blessed the seventh day and hallowed it, because on it God rested from all the work that he had done in creation.

Oh man, I have so many thoughts on how this is (not) working in my life. The last two weeks since this posted I have been chewing on it, with a side of my mom’s recent comment that we’re a pretty busy family, and my months long obsession with finding the exact right trailer for my family, which ate up a fair amount of weekends.

On Sundays, we go to church. We’re home by 10:30. And then it’s play time. Or shop time. Or clean the house because folks are coming for dinner time. It is rarely ever rest time.

And am I joy-full on Sundays? As I’m playing or shopping or cleaning and cooking, am I mindful of God and His day?

Sometimes, like when we head straight down to the beach after Mass, and have a lovely day playing in God’s ocean. On those days there is always a time when I utter a prayer of thanksgiving for the weather and the sun and the salty sea water.

Sometimes, like last Sunday, when I sit next to my dad and watch my kids play with their grandma in the pool. On those days I am filled with the joy of loving family and memory-making.

And sometimes, when I have managed to get every single chore done by Saturday so that Shea can lay on the couch and watch his Bills in peace and quiet while I write or read or watch a movie with the kids, I am joyfully grateful for the rest.

But those Sabbaths happen far too infrequently. Too many Sundays are spent at the mall, where I can score $100 worth of clothes for $60. I feel victory and satisfaction, but not joy. And I am certainly not mindful of God while I am bargain hunting.

Then I realized this: every car we have bought as a couple has been purchased on a Sunday, which means we have haggled and hassled and played good cop-bad cop on the Sabbath. I’m trying to screw you before you can screw me mode is neither joyful nor restful, and it’s impossible at those times to be mindful of anyone but your own self.

So the truth is, too many of our Sabbaths have been rushed and crammed and cranky and mindless.

My spirit is itchy, which means we are out of Alignment and need a change.

I want to be better at honoring this Commandment. What can we do in our family to both honor the Commandment and instill in our kids the wonderful knowledge that God, in His wisdom and love, has commanded us to rest and be joyful.

I want Heaven to be an endless day on the beach at Coronado. Not endless hours of haggling with a used car salesman.

So if you’ve got thoughts, I’ve got ears. How do you keep and bless this day in your homes?

Dear Teresa ~ Jen

Happy 21^st birthday, sweet girl.

I could get all misty eyed about the four year old you, screaming out my name when I walked into church every Sunday; or the seven year old you, in my mom’s apron, standing over the sink cleaning the silver a few days before Thanksgiving; or the eleven year old you walking down the aisle at my wedding.

But here you are, standing in the doorway of your childhood, so this is it. Time to leave those things behind. The rubber meets the road, and not just for you. For all of us who participated in your growing up, now we see if we did it “right”. If we gave you all the love and tools and advice that you need to move on to the next part.

You can’t go back. What’s done—great, good, bad, ugly—is done. We can’t any of us do it over. Some adults your age get stuck in the place of what might have been. Those folks, they never grow up. They stay angry little children inside, always throwing tantrums and blaming others for what goes wrong in their lives.

Their moms never taught them “You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit”. But yours did. And we did. So if you think you are missing parts and pieces—and maybe you are—it’s not an excuse. You’re resourceful. If you need something, find it. If a space is empty, fill it. Don’t walk around hollow in your heart and your spirit and blame that on someone else.

You’re an adult now. You make your own way. Which is good news and bad news.

You make your own choices.

You face their consequences on your own.

So before you cross that threshold from childhood to adulthood, let me offer some last gifts of wisdom.

Life is much easier if you are patient, kind and truthful. Society doesn’t seem to value these traits, but society is wrong. It’s only a dog eat dog world if you agree to be a dog. You are a child of God. And no one earns points in life for being a jerk.

Speak up for what is right. Stand up for those who are weaker. Always give a part of your time, talent or treasure to someone who needs it more. These things keep us connected and humble.

Remember that God is inside you and everyone else, too. Always be nice to God.

If the people in your life are not nice to the God in you, move on. Give them space and pray for their healing. There is too much love out there to spend time with those who won’t or can’t give it.

I hope you travel around this country. I hope you travel around other countries. I hope you spend most of your twenties getting your wiggle out, physically, culturally, spiritually, before you settle down for marriage and motherhood.

I hope you form your own Committee and go on Sunday Benders with them. A smart person knows they don’t make it through life alone.

Grow your life with Jesus, too. You’ll need Him.

In England, when young adults come of age, it’s tradition to give them a key. It hearkens back to the time when it was an accomplishment to reach this age, and as a mark of maturity and responsibility, 21 year olds were given the key to the home.

Shea and I like the symbolism of this gift. You hold the key to your life in your hand and in your heart. You can make your life what you want, no matter the trials and tribulations that come along. You have a lot of support. You can ask for help.

But you can never be a child again. St. Paul reminds us “When I was a child, I used to talk like a child, and see things as a child does, and think like a child; but now that I have become an adult, I have finished with all childish ways” (1 Cor 13:11).

It’s time. Step out into the light and wide open space of the rest of your life. You’re ready.

We love you!

Shea, Jen, Gabe, Kate, Annie, Sugar and Lizzie

The Words in our Home ~ Jen

When I was in 10^th grade, I read the first aphorism—or proverb—that changed my life. It was hanging out right in the middle of Act I of Shakepeare’s Julius Caesar. Cassius says to Brutus “Men at some times are masters of their fates. The fault, dear Brutus, is not in the stars, but in ourselves that we are underlings” (Act 1, Scene 2, 140-143).

Yeah, I know what Cassius and Brutus went on to do, and I know that in the tenth circle of hell, Satan is chewing on Brutus for eternity. But that’s not the point.

The point is that my 15 year old self was rocked by the divine literary affirmation of what my parents had been telling me: my life was mine, every triumph, mistake and consequence. All mine to make or break. Intoxicating. Empowering.

As a teacher I put aphorisms around my classroom, in print that was big enough to read from across the room, but only if you really focused. I never called attention to them. Aphorisms need to be mulled over a few times. I waited for the students to ask me. And in drips and dribbles, over the course of the year, kids would come to me and say “Can I ask you what this means?” To which I always answered “First, tell me what you think it means”.

I’ve done the same thing in our home. Only Gabriel can read, and he’s probably too young for Ben Franklin, but I want the words to be a fixture in our home, familiar, like old friends. I want the words to be there for the day they lose a game, or get a D, or fight with their friend. Something to mull over. To help them figure it all out.

Because sometimes the answers to life’s questions can be tied up in one tidy, historically, philosophically or spiritually significant saying.

Here they are!*

This was the first sign Shea and I got when we married. It was a gift from my sister-in-laws parents and had hung in our kitchen since the day we moved in. — This was the first sign Shea and I got when we married. It was a gift from my sister-in-law’s parents and has hung in our kitchen since the day we moved in.

This hangs in our guest bathroom. Gotta love Mr. Franklin!

This sign hung over the window in the nursery for all three babies. From "Guess How Much I Love You". I never want my kids to doubt! — This sign hung over the window in the nursery for all three babies. From “Guess How Much I Love You”. I never want my kids to doubt!

We put this in the living room, along with the S, which is our family initial. We are proud to be children of God.

I've had this one in my home in some form or fashion for almost twenty years. This MOVES me. — I’ve had this one in my home in some form or fashion for almost twenty years. This MOVES me.

I bought these as favors for Anne's baby shower. There have never been sisters in my family before, and I wanted to let the important women in my life know that I learned about sisterhood from them. This is who we try to be. — I bought these as favors for Anne’s baby shower. There have never been sisters in my family before, and I wanted to let the important women in my life know that I learned about sisterhood from them. This is who we try to be.

This one kind of speaks for itself. But we want our kids to know we have faith in them.

I got this one at Kohls. Gabriel quotes it at Kate sometimes, which makes me smile.

This one is going upstairs between the kids' bedrooms. Simple. — This one is going upstairs between the kids’ bedrooms. Simple.

This is our newest sign, purchased from Shutterfly for Shea for Father's Day. Love it! — This is our newest sign, purchased from Shutterfly for Father’s Day. Love it!

Of course, the most important words in our home are contained in our family Bible, which normally lives on our hutch, right within easy reach. But since we are currently short a hutch, it’s in the cupboard next to the phonebook, which is pretty appropriate if you think about it.

I am sure as the years go on, I will add or switch some of the hanging words in our home. Maybe (dream of dreams) the kids will add some of their own eventually. Either way, I hope we are always a family of words, spoken and hanging.

*The wooden signs were made for us by my sister-in-law’s mother, Karen Shoemaker. Her work can be found at www.shabbyshoesigns.com.

The Three F Words ~ Julie

No. Not that F word.

The last five years have been so hard for the folks in this country. Lots of endings, lots of fear. It’s easy to believe that it will never get better, never be different. It’s easy to wait for things to change.

Maybe there’s another way to see it, though. Maybe, instead of waiting, we should be jumping at opportunity.

We know that God has a plan. What if we were brave enough to ask God and ourselves this question: What is it that we really want to do?

Meet our friend Julie. In a few weeks, she and her husband and her three year old daughter are making an amazing and brave and thrilling life change. Julie asked God the question and then she embraced the answer. We hope she inspires you as much as she inspires us!

I believe in two “F” words: Faith and Fate. Is this belief strange for a Christian? Maybe, maybe not. I believe everything happens for a reason, a reason we may not understand, but maybe we’re not supposed to understand why somethings happen. Sometimes a third “F” fuels the other two “F” words to work hard in one’s life: Fear.

Around this time last year, my husband and I were making a lot of life changes that included: moving houses, adding to our family, and learning to live on one income.

We were moving houses as a temporary situation to save money for a year and I was excited. It was going to be an opportunity for me to stay at home with my daughter for the year, but also to be able to see my mom every day. It was an especially exciting time for us as we learned that we were expecting our second child after trying for almost a year.

While I had happily taught English at the high school level for six years, I needed a break or a change. I also couldn’t believe how quickly my two year old daughter was growing and how much I was missing, so I made the change that many people couldn’t imagine taking in this economy: I took a leave of absence from a career I loved.

Some people looked at me like I was crazy or even dissatisfied with my school (which I really wasn’t), but I FELT something. I felt like God was sharing His plan with me. That’s what faith is, isn’t it? Trusting in God’s plan when you just can’t conceivably understand how it will fit together. So, I fearfully/faithfully took a leave of absence from work and trusted in Him.

On June 9th, 2012 among moving boxes and Dora birthday presents, I took a test that revealed I would be carrying a second baby in the year I had chosen to stay at home. It was an exciting and surreal moment. I felt like I understood why God had aligned everything so perfectly now, it was all working out!

But, things don’t always work as expected because three weeks later, I lost the baby.

To say I was devastated is an understatement. I questioned everything, and unfortunately, even God. This is where the three “F” words come in. From my FEAR, grief and sadness over losing my precious baby, I prayed for understanding. When tested, our FAITH appears and we start to understand our FATE slowly.

After losing the baby, I became like a hermit. I didn’t want to leave the house and so I started to surf the net and also reminisce about happier times, which led me to the summer of 2008. My husband and I had traveled to Rio do Janeiro as a way to visit family and experience a new culture.The pictures were beautiful and filled with happy and carefree times. I wanted that again; I wanted to escape to a new life where I could start again. So, while my heart was slowly starting to heal, I tried for a new beginning by applying for jobs in a country thousands of miles away.

It’s beautiful, isn’t it? They call it “CidadeMaravilhosa” or the Marvelous City because of its constant motion, sounds, smells and friendly people. People from all walks of life are active throughout the day, usually near the beaches of Copacabana, Ipanema, or even Leblon. It’s going to be a busy few years for this city of roughly 6.5 million people, as they are hosting both the 2014 World Cup and the 2016 Summer Olympics.

I started remembering everything I loved about my mother’s native country and the memories gradually started putting me back together. I started emailing and researching a few schools in Sao Paulo and Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. And slowly, it started to become a true possibility. After a few months of making a dream into a reality, we did it…

We attended a job search in Atlanta, Georgia for educators interested in teaching or working in Mexico, Central, South America and the Caribbean. It really seemed as if God was pointing us in the right direction again. Once we were finally inside the meeting area with the schools, we were informed that only two of the four possible schools we had been interested in, (very few of the schools had positions open for both English and Math) still had positions for both of us. And when it was time for us to interview with a school, there was only one, Rio’s American School (the one we really wanted) who still had our positions. It was if the lord was narrowing down the choices for us. To make a long story short, they called us in January to offer us the jobs.

We don’t know what we’ll encounter or even if it’ll be easy for us, but isn’t that what faith is? When I asked my husband why he wanted to do it, he answered, “Why not? I mean there’s so much out there. There’s so much to explore and so much to see. I want our daughter to be the kind of person who wants to see the world and not be afraid to take risks.” I agree, hubby, I agree.

“Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”
Martin Luther King, Jr.

Julie will blog about her new life in Rio at expatsparadise.wordpress.com

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