Come As You Are

I’ve been trying to write this post about the Drummer Boy and folks who don’t go to church because they think they aren’t good enough.

It wasn’t working. I was trying too hard to say the right words.

So here are the true words instead.

My favorite Christmas song is “The Little Drummer Boy”. I like it because it’s a song for the outcasts. The message is “Forget what they say, come as you are, all are welcome, all are loved.”

In today’s church bureaucracy, twisted up around rules and platforms, the come as you are message sometimes gets squashed. It’s easy to believe, from the outside, that only the right people go to church.

Of course, this is a lie. I’m regularly inside a church, which should be enough to convince you that “perfect” and “church” are not hand-holding friends. My church is full of sinners. I know this because we make a confession of sins every single week. And get this: even the priest says it. Boom.

Still, folks hesitate at the doors. They stay behind while others head out for midnight Mass, joking behind their glass of wine about being “retired”.

Or they shake off the invitation to come along with a whispered “I couldn’t because of, you know….” The divorce. The addiction. The lifestyle. The third husband.

Or they are angry at the church for some (probably very good) reason.

I think that most of the time, what’s holding them back is the brick and mortar institution of church. Which can be daunting, judgmental and sometimes—yes, we have to admit it—destructive. Any church that drives people out instead of in is destructive to God’s will.

I get it. I have packed my bags and headed for the door in my faith life more than once.

But then someone always says to me “It’s not about the church. It’s about Jesus.”

And this stops me because I cannot imagine my life without Jesus. I have to come to Jesus, like that Drummer Boy, with nothing but my weaknesses, imperfections and sins, and find love. Without that soul shelter, I cannot continue to wife, mother, friend, function in this world.

Can I get an Amen from the choir?

Right. So here’s the thing—We have to tell the people in our life who hesitate outside the door that we go to church because we’re human and frail and sometimes we suck. We’re not good because we go. If we’re good, it’s because of the love that we find there.

And if you are one of those people, already dreading the Christmas Eve guilt trip and also secretly wishing you could swallow your pride and just go, remember this: There is nothing, nothing, nothing in your life that would make the Baby turn you away. Just come as you are. Bring what you have. Let the love heal you.

Merry Christmas from our families to yours.

We wish you health, peace and of course many, many graces!

Dear Church Leaders

There’s a lot of despair in American right now. I know this is true for any given Tuesday, but right now feels different. The last few weeks have been a series of spiritual body blows, from Ferguson to Staten Island to the CIA. Nobody knows what they don’t know and the truth feels slippery. Who can we trust?

Folks are acting out and not just the ones we see on TV. Social media is alive with anger and hatred. Say what you like about social media, people use it, read it and are influenced by it. Right now there’s a virtual war going on and people are aiming to kill.

Our political leaders are acting out too, every single chance they get. That’s what finally plopped me in front of this keyboard: watching politicians who call themselves Christians and pro-life, who campaign with the support of the Christian churches in this nation, defending the use of torture. Just Sunday, one of them said he would do it all again, even the torture of innocent people.

We’re in the wilderness, circling the wagons, trying to protect us from them. There’s so much fear, and we’re never good when we’re scared.

We need you, but you are nowhere to be found.

There are those who believe you aren’t speaking up because you’re scared to anger your “base”. I dismiss this argument for two reasons: one, the people who make up your “base” are followers of Jesus, who called us to love, not hatred, prejudice or torture. And two, our Christian faith transcends politics. It’s bigger than any personal agenda, political party, government or nation.

Maybe you’re just plain scared, like the rest of us. This I can understand.

A few weeks ago, four prominent rabbis in New York recited the kaddish for Eric Garner. They did this because, as one of them said “Rabbis and all Jews need to stand up and say that every single person is a creation in the divine image — that black lives matter…We put our bodies on the line to show how crucial it is that the systems meant to protect us do protect all of us.”

They stood up for what was right and used prayer for healing. They did it with peace and love in their hearts.

Then they got arrested. This is how upside down the world is at the moment.

Not meaning any disrespect to the rabbis, but they reminded me of Jesus. Don’t you just know He would have done the same? I felt comforted because the rabbis showed me that the grief and uncertainty in my heart are real. And that we need prayer right now, in our hearts but also out where everyone can see it, solid, un-moving, determined, courageous.

So I am asking you to end your silence.

Lead us in prayer for understanding, to soften what has become scared and hard.

Lead us in difficult conversations about reconciling the anger and prejudices in our hearts.

Lead us to challenge the politicians who have strayed from sacred value of respect for life from birth to death.

Stand up and be Christ in this world. Shepherd your sheep. We need you.

A Season of Hope ~ Guest Post by Amy

Amy is how we all got to know Meg. We prayed for her health and then we prayed her through the door of this life into the next. Meg left behind a husband and two young girls, one only an infant. This is their first Christmas without their mama.

No doubt, Meg’s husband Sam will struggle as he learns to walk without his partner, juggling his grief with the responsibilities of his girls and the season. How hard it must be for him to find the light right now.

But Amy wants to share with us a story of how we don’t always have to find the light on our own.

Meg was an AVID coordinator in the Ontario Montclair school district. AVID (Advancement Via Individual Determination) is a national educational support program, designed for students who will be the first in their families to attend college. As coordinator, Meg was directly involved with the teachers and students, promoting a college education for all.

A few weeks ago, I attended a regional AVID training. Memories came crashing back: Last year when I was here we had just found out that Meg was diagnosed with breast cancer while pregnant with her second child.

Meg took off work to fight the disease with a mastectomy, chemotherapy and radiation. She lost her hair so Sam shaved his off as well, in support. By early summer, the doctors felt Meg was on the road to recovery. In July we celebrated the news that her PET scan was clean, showing no lesions.

Somehow, just six weeks later, she was sick again. She had lesions on her liver, which was swollen and losing function. The cancer was aggressive and untreatable.

By October, she was gone. Her daughters were four and six months old.

At the AVID training this year, her school site team, including Sam, wore pink shirts in honor of Meg. Every year, the region raffles gift baskets to raise AVID scholarship money. One of the baskets had a pink breast cancer theme, but all the money donated for this basket would go directly to Sam and his girls. Without hesitation, I dumped all my tickets in this basket.

The next morning, another coordinator stood at breakfast and announced a challenge: that every person in the room donate $1 for Sam and his girls. Sam was stunned. In tears, I made my way to his table and wrapped my arms around him. Together we watched.

In five minutes, people donated $1500.

Sam cried. I cried. Everyone in the place, 400 people, cried.

Miracles are real. This was a miracle. It wasn’t the miracle we had prayed for months earlier, to heal Meg and keep her here. Instead, the healing was for Sam, to show him that all is not lost. Meg had a hand in it, I know she did. She used all those people to give her husband a hug and remind him that people are good, the village is good. And there is light in the world for us when we need it.

Thank you to all those people who donated that day. It was about so much more than money. Thank you to Sam’s school, who love him and hold him up. Thank you to everyone who prayed for Meg. Thank you for reaching out in love and faith to strangers. I want you to know that it’s working. God’s hands are healing this family with love.

We have to remember that we are God’s work in this world. Happy weekend.

2nd Annual Advent Ideas Post

I am trying not to have pet peeves during the Christmas season.

But if I wasn’t trying, this “Advent” calendar would be one of them:

Advent is a Christian season and Christians do not countdown to Santa. These things that call themselves Advent calendars and don’t have a Baby Jesus on them anywhere bug me.

But that’s only half the peeve. While you can walk into any store and find an “Advent” calendar like this, it’s next to impossible to find one with a Baby Jesus on it off the shelf. Which may make some well-intentioned but very busy and stressed out Christian mamas throw their hands up in defeat and go about their Christmas shopping.

(And who would blame them? Not me, over here with the Santa sitting next to the manger scene.)

Since one of our goals at Full of Graces is to make life easier for moms in all shapes and sizes, it’s kind of been my tradition to gather Advent happenings and pass them on. So here’s the 2nd Annual Advent Post.

For a list of Advent internet resources, here’s last year’s post A Time of Sacred Leisure.

Then check out what some of our friends and guest bloggers do:

Amy has an Advent wreath on her dinner table. Every night, her girls (5 and 7) light the candles when they sit down to eat.

Amy's advent wreath is one of the coolest I have ever seen. — Amy’s advent wreath is one of the coolest I have ever seen.

My friend Steffani started doing a Jesse Tree countdown a few years back. Her kids (they range in age from 23 to 4) made all the symbol ornaments and each one had a good deed. Every morning they gather round, learn about the biblical significance of the ornament and the good deed for the day. Last year she purchased a video at www.holyheroes.com that her kids watch every day.

This sweet face is Clare, Steffani's youngest, putting an ornament on the Jesse tree. — This sweet face is Clare, Steffani’s youngest, putting an ornament on the Jesse tree.

(Holy Heroes is a pretty cool website for kids, too.)

Both my cousin Lesley and our guest blogger friend Jennifer directed me to Adriel Booker’s site. Adriel is an Australian Christian blogger with a list of 150 Advent activities for families and a Storybook Bible Study for Advent.

Lesley turned the list of 150 things into her version of a countdown for her kids (ages 8, 6 and 3). Each stocking has an act of kindness and an Advent reflection.

Jennifer uses this fabric Advent calendar for her two boys (ages 3 and 1). They follow the Storybook Bible Study and she also purchased Truth in the Tinsel, suggested by the MOB Society.

(Do you know the MOB Society??? It’s an online community for Mothers Of Boys! Their mission: To help moms delight in the chaos of raising boys and shape a generation of men to love the Lord.)

Four Thanksgivings ago, I came across this Advent calendar in a Charleston gift shop.

The truth is I came upon this Advent calendar in a shop in Charleston, SC, mere seconds before Lesley. Whew. — The truth is I came upon this Advent calendar mere seconds before Lesley. Finders, keepers.

Every morning yields a new magnet. There are strict rules around the order and the placement of the magnets—no one can move someone else’s magnet. Last year this resulted in Flying Mary and Grounded Angel.

In addition, we go see Santa, watch Christmas specials and decorate our homes the minute the Thanksgiving leftovers are gone. Tis is a season of joy, after all.

But we work really hard to make sure it’s faithful joy and we try to stay peaceful, reflective and focused on preparing the way.

The Least of These

I watched a woman be rude to a Macy’s employee yesterday. Not in a way that I could have stopped. But she communicated clearly that she thought the Macy’s employee was personally responsible for the fact that the clothes she had purchased didn’t fit and wasn’t smart enough to make it right.

When she left, the Macy’s lady was so upset that her hands were shaking. I tried to compensate. “It’s the holidays! People should be brimming with good cheer!”

“They aren’t, though,” she sighed. “This is the time of year when people are the most rude.”

After Macy’s, I wandered into the Christian book store next door.

Guess who was working behind the counter, next to the Keep Christ in Christmas bumper stickers? “God bless you”, she told me pleasantly as I left.

I’m not taking an easy shot at Christians here. I know folks are folks and moments are moments. But I also know the difference between someone having a bad day and someone who is intrinsically not a nice person.

The Gospel reading on Sunday was Matthew 25: 31-46. Maybe it’s because our religious leaders know we need to hear these things as the holidays kick off. All of us are familiar with the command to feed, clothe, visit, heal. Whatever you do for the least of these, you do for Me. Our churches and communities will put lots of opportunities to do these things in front of us for the next few weeks.

It’s the second half of the Gospel we have to think about. When Jesus tells the ones on the left that they are damned, they protest: Lord, when did we not serve You? And He says When you did not serve them, you did not serve Me.

We can feed all the homeless kids we want in the next five weeks. We can take our kids shopping for the Giving Tree and feel good that we are teaching them compassion for others. We can serve turkey dinners to veterans, sing for the old and infirm in nursing homes, pay for the groceries of the young mom in front of us in line. But let’s be honest with ourselves: those things are a slam dunk. We know that Jesus will be there.

But He’s standing behind that counter at Macy’s too, with tired feet and an aching back.

He’s loading those kids into the car as fast as He can in the crowded parking lot.

He’s working his fourth overtime in a row because His company insists on “Holiday Hours”.

He’s trying to solve our complaint call with His limited resources.

It’s harder to see Him there, so it’s harder to serve Him there. But in the Gospel, when the damned protest that they just didn’t know, Jesus doesn’t let them off the hook. He tells them that walking His Walk is an all-the-time thing, not a when-we-feel-like-it thing.

If they’ll know we are Christians by our love, it won’t be the love we show when it’s easy. It’ll be when the parking lot is crowded, the lines are long, the packages are late and the children are screaming.

And that’s how we keep Christ in Christmas, by remembering to serve Christ in everyone, all the time.

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